My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
