Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
