Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
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