He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
