nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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