morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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