Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
