saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
