White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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