dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
