You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
