You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
