I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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