I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize