lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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