I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
