I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
