Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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