I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize