You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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