I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize