Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
