Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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