he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize