If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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