why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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