even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
