Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
