yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
