I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
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