well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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