i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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