i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
