I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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