You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
