They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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