I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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