I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
