I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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