remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
