Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize