he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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