She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
