So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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