my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
