Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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