how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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