I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
