Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
