I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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