just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
