do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
