my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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