kristin has been a bad kristin
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
