mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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