You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
