Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
