____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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