I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
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