Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
