can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
