$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
