I've blown a few things in my day
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
