Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
being pregnant is like rehab
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
