Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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