how can u be prego again
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize