just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
