You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She tied me up with her honor cords...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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