my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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