I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
