Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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