Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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