She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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