I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
