Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I want her autograph on my taint
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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