Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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