You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
