how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Of course I have a pirate flag
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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