Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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