Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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