there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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