I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Is it penis luge time yet?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
