I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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