The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
What changed your mind?
Being sober
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
