I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
