It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
