I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
