We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
